You

You… oh you. You came into my life like winter comes to autumn; slowly, and then all at once. Leaving behind you the now, colorless and frozen leaves struggling to survive your storm. You left me. You lied to me. You broke. You left me behind with an empty heart that doesn’t now what’s wrong or right. You told me once that you that you did care, even though your pride made you pretend like you didn’t. You showed me once your deepest fears wanting me to simply “be here”. Now, when I think of you I think of pain. When I look at you, my heart gets stab and I can’t help but wonder… why am I still wondering? why am I still wondering about you, about us? You were my first kiss, my first guy best friend, my first you know what…my first love and my first heart breaker. You are the reason why I write, why I cry every night. You are the reason why I sometimes find myself looking into space letting in all the pain, lusting for the now long gone memories we once shared. You are the reason why I rub my chest trying to comfort my heart, every time I listen to a song that reminds me of you. You, you and only you. You are the one who made me believe that love is indeed the closest thing we have to magic, but also that is the one thing that has the power to internally shattered you completely. You are the reason why I’m still hanging on, even though I know there’s no point to keep going on, to keep hoping for our story to change paths, to keep hoping that life will eventually change your path and bring you back to me. You are the reason why I now use anger in order to try and numb the pain. I gave you all my time along with all my heart, but you decided to toss it aside and walk on by. I stood by your side like a guardian angel; you couldn’t see me, but you could feel me. You proofed to me once more that the best things happen when you least expect, even though that moment of pure joy didn’t last long.  I should hate you, actually, I should detest your guts! I shouldn’t even stand to be in the same room with you. Unfortunately, I don’t. One part of me will always love you, but the other will never forget all the pain you brought to my life. I forgive you, but I’ll never forget you… you, you and your drama, your messed up feelings, your dazzling honey eyes, your smile and everything that makes you be you.

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